A Rage Inside of Me

There is a rage inside of me

That loves to throw things

Slam shit

Scream and yell

Foaming at the mouth

Spit flying everywhere

There is a rage inside of me

That is uncanny

Not expected of me

Tears flow from my eyes

Fire running through my skin

There is a rage inside of me

Usually only set off by one person

Or when I suppress my emotions

At the expense of someone else’s feelings

The rage

It doesn’t always come out

But I can feel it

If I don’t let it out

It makes my skin cringe

It makes my heart hurt

It comes to my eyes

And it burns.

There is a rage inside of me

Thousands of years of pain

Living within in me.

Of boundaries crossed

Of not feeling enough

Of feeling less than.

Of not being heard.

I feel scared of the rage within me

Of what others will think of me

If they saw my rage in action.

What if I don’t let this rage out?

Will it take over me?

Will it kill me?

How do I heal this rage?

Does this rage come from the colonists

That raped my ancestors

And produced my mom’s lineage?

Does this rage come from my dad’s parents

Who’s rage came out

When they were drinking

And their parents who also abused them

And their parents… who

Who knows what happened?

Settlers in Pennsylvania.

Escaping what?

What happened on the boat over?

So. Many. Questions.

Where do I go for answers?

Spirit? Akashic records?

A deep dive into the dark.

To heal the pain...

A pain in my arm

A pain in my heart

A pain in my chest

A pain on my soul.

A pain from our past.

Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

But where does it go?

Transform

Transform

Transform

But where does it come from?

And how do I utilize it for good?